Isn’t it strange what happens when you go back to a place you visited in your childhood?
Everything seems bigger in memory than to your mature eye today.
It’s much less of a movie scenery but much more of a processed reality.
Walking on a pebble beach was more fun, now it feels more of a muscle workout.
Reminder to self: Memories are just where you laid them. Don’t stop creating new ones!
Together with two colleagues I spend a few days in Yucatan, Mexico. One Mexican, a Brazilian and a German girl driving around to experience the beautiful landscape, learn about pre-Colombian culture Maya and relax with sun and good food.
It was a great short holiday, and I got the opportunity to practice my Spanish 😉
On the first day we drove to Celestun at the coast and took a boat trip around a bioreserve. We saw flamingoes, many other birds and a crocodile. We were even able to swim in beautiful clear water and do some team building on ropes where usually snakes and crocodiles rest (as we were told after the swim). The day ended with delicious seafood on the beach.
On the second day we visited the historic Maya site Chichen Itza. It was a wonderful experience walking between the different buildings built on ample space often stopping at market stalls. It’s easy to see how proud and advanced culture the Maya culture was during their high time 1000 to 500 years ago. At night we went to the ecotouristic lodge in Ek Balam village where my colleague had volunteered years ago. Far from big city lights we saw millions of stars above us. (Un-)fortunately the cabins were full, but the hospitable community members (literally) hooked us up with hammocks in the laundry room. Quite comfortable!
On the last day we visited a “Conote” (sink hole) which is like a cave under the surface usually filled with water. I was able to swim in the clear water with sun rays falling through the whole in the cave ceiling. We had arrived with a few Maya friends of my colleague who had dressed up in warrior wear to take pictures in and near the conote. It was a lot of fun especially as buses of tourists from Cancun arrived and wanted to take pictures with the Mayas. In the afternoon we drove up to Rio Logartos on the Golf Coast. Local families were spending the Sunday at the beach and after a swim and a delicious dinner we witnessed a mind blowing sunset. A miraculous ending to our short holiday.
My Whatsapp chats range from “Stuck in traffic, give me 5” through funny pics to pillow talk. I just found out they’re worth around 100 USD to someone.
You could call it a massive exit for a young entrepreneur or FB trying to eliminate the competition.
Yes, we are aware that Whatsapp was never a safe bet to use (after all I give them permission to read my SMS, my pictures and full network access to send data out).
Do I feel better about the NSA reading my data or about facebook doing so? Is there a difference anyways?
One of my favorite Ted talks still is: www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gv7Y0W0xmYQ
After all I’m wondering where the madness of Dollars for Data is going.
I live in the South West of London and due to frequent travel I get to spend an hour or so a month with a minicab driver on the way to the airport. Minicabs are pre-booked rides in someone’s personal car. They’re cheaper and somewhat more comfortable.
My last four drivers were Indian, Pakistani, Afghani and Somali.
The Indian gentleman had moved to Tooting in the 70s and told me about the days when they played football on the main road on Sunday, because there was little traffic and Sundays the shops were closed. An Indian granddad sharing stories about social change in London.
With the Pakistani driver I had a conversation about the political conflict. Pakistani and Indians are just the same people he says. Inside India there are more Muslims than in Pakistan. For him visiting his family which is spread around both countries is easy because he uses the Pakistani passport for Pakistan and the British one for India travel. He will soon retire from driving a minicab, so he needs to start investing in Pakistan for his retirement. He’ll definitely go back, the weather is better and the food. He says my company should expand to Pakistan and he’ll do free market research for us there!
I learnt about a prayer app from the Afghani guy. As in London the mosques aren’t allowed to project the prayers over loudspeakers, many Muslims use an app singing the prayer for them. As we were relatively stuck in traffic jam, he watched a 20-minute live news show from Kabul via Youtube. “See, Kabul: No problem all fine. I go every 4 months.” I was also shocked by an incredible level of racism. “Why you go Africa? Nothing there but animals and black women!”
My favourite guy was today’s Somali family father: His three brothers live in Norway, Sweden and Mogadishu. His mother lives in Mogadishu but he flew her to Nairobi for medical treatment two months ago and stayed with her for two months. He loves Mombasa and Eastleigh. His wife speaks better English than him and she studied at an Italian university in Mogadishu. Most Somali women in London don’t care about learning English and he thinks it’s a problem. He also hopes that Somalia will be safe one day and his son who now studies medicine but moved to London at the age of 1 will be able to go back and work in the new hospital built by Turkish Aid. His son asks him why Somalis of the same look, religion and language kill each other and he doesn’t have words to explain it to him. All Somalis hate the Al-Shabaab, he says. We want peace. His views on the dictator who ruled Somalia before ‘91 were insightful and he explained me the five spikes of the star on the Somali flag. He recommended me a Somali restaurant in our area. “Problem in Africa is always that military is corrupt and look for their advantage. Right now we need African troops in Somalia but soon they should leave and we build our country.”
Asia and Africa’s brains and hands driving cabs in London. Wounded souls from conflict-torn countries telling stories of multiple passports, hard work and new beginnings. Polished Mercedes and airline miles. Racism and hopes. The dream to live healthily with family and friends. It shows in many different ways, but mainly a big smile.
Tough life, big dreams, team work, love, corruption. I cried!
Judging by the amount of articles and notes shared on social media telling people what to do or not to do before turning 30, turning 30 must be a big deal.
The beauty of the 21st century is that we can read advice and stories and seemingly easy share in the lives of people on the other side of the globe in real-time. But we have to “pick and peel” ourselves. We have to do the work, after all it’s our life. Thank God
Yes, I did turn 30 at some point this year. I’m part of the older half of the planet’s population.
Sitting on a beautiful beach on the afternoon of my birthday, I was reflecting if there is any way of summarizing what I’ve learned in these 30 years. Impossible, but let’s try!
“When the rain washes you clear, you’ll know”
Living abroad has challenged everything I thought was true. My months and years in Poland, India, Kenya, Uganda and the UK have taught me more than university and books ever could.
Every time I arrived at a new place, integrated and finally left, the more layers of colour were washed off. Sometimes literal rain, often a conversation or an incident, but mostly listening, watching, having to act and failing or succeeding, washing clear can be painful but liberating.
But again – after all the washing off you have to chose what to paint back on. What does Manuela stand for?
I am more than a walking photo album displaying my trips. Strangers commenting “I’m jealous” on your status updates. Not a warm feeling!
My challenge is to be an active world citizen with a clear profile and a purpose doing justice to what I’ve experienced and to those who I’ve met. Work in progress!
It’s a worthy challenge to be the same person between 9am and 6pm as between 6pm and 9am.
Whenever I live my personal values at work and home, I experience integrity and feel alive.
Most of us have to earn an income to afford their preferred lifestyle. And independence doesn’t come easy. Once you have to budget, you have to make choices. It’s tempting to sell your 40 hours a week and join the cycle of earning and consumption.
But I want to use these 40 hours a week for something I believe in. Well, for now I can. About the luxury of the pursuit of meaning at work read my next post.
Digging deeper – easier together!
Knowing yourself, managing emotions and communicating your opinions and needs clearly – do these sound like simple soft skills? Well, at least not to me. Emotional roller-coasters, indecisiveness and self-centered behavior happen to the best of us!
My best step of this year was to get a fabulous coach – a person to help unleash my professional effectiveness and help me achieve ‘flow’. Finding somebody who is committed and skilled to ask you the right questions and challenge your assumptions – priceless. I can only recommend it!
Scuba Diving is better than expected
I mean really. I was scared of doing it. 6 metres under the water for 15 minutes breathing oxygen from a bottle with 15 kgs of equipment around my waist? To watch fish? Panic zone!
How often do I try out things that I’m scared of and they end up being mind-blowingly amazing? Quite a few times… but definitely not often enough!
God exists, but you have to believe
I know God exists. In me. Around me. In nature. In people. I’m called every day and I’m trying to hear it. I’m thankful to all who have helped to strengthen my faith. God watches over me.
Love is a verb not a feeling – What an idea to wrap my head around!
Anything for my friends – My friends inspire me, together we come up with great ideas and we make each others lives human and worth living. And the best thing about growing up is to realize that your parents are your friends as well!
A Chinese fortune cookie last year included a note “A friendship that can end, has never really started”.
To those who have taken me to the doctor; To those who were hospitable when I was in trouble; To those with whom I laugh, cry and relax; To those who’ve cried, laughed and relaxed in my presence:
I promise we’ll be ghost friends after we die and we’ll walk through walls and scare the sh*t out of people!
Every day is your birthday
Birthday-week is a great concept, who doesn’t want to celebrate the gift of life a whole week? But how about birthday-year!?
Let’s not wait for New Year’s Eve, or lent or our birthday to change a habit. John Covey suggests “If you’ve made a mistake, admit it and correct it, so that it doesn’t have power over the next moment.” Any day and any minute is a good day to try out something new, to dare that change, small or big.
My amazing flatmates put up a paper garland saying “Happy Birthday” on my door. I left it there, as a reminder!
People approach me saying that they just don’t feel effective at work, drained or stressed.
This post is a collection of questions for those who want to take a first step to change something, knowing they have to take control: of their feelings and maybe even of the actual situation at work.
Sometimes it looks like everyone else is happier in life and has a more fulfilled work life. Have you ever felt that way?
It seems that social media influences the way we see our lives by drawing comparisons and building unrealistic expectations. So do look beyond the status updates of job lovers and business trip beach pictures 😉
The other thing is also that we may be the first generation that studies abroad and visits over 10 countries before we’re 30. While the world is open to us we’re also “Generation Internship” and facing threats like a massive demographic shift and global climate change. This leads to many feeling insecure and worried about life and the future.
Could this be the case for you?
I think every generation grows with the tasks presented to them.
Past generations rarely looked for meaning and fulfillment. Work was there to earn income to sustain life and if it didn’t harm your health it was a good job. This is the case for a few billion people in the world today as well. My flatmate calls a meaningful job a luxury.
Do you think that you are entitled to a happy work life?
In this post I’ve collected a few reflection tools, ideas and links on how to deal with the worries related to your work life.
I’m no expert by all means, please take this as friendly advice rather than professional.
Start by bringing your expectations to surface. My great coach recently asked me: “What did you hire your job for?” Bamm! I had to think about that.
It was also surprising to see the diverse answers even among my relatively homogeneous friends. So start by increasing clarity of what you are hiring your job for.
Honestly, take a pen and paper and write that down first: What are the roles that you want your work to play in your life?
Only read further once you’re done – then possibly extend your list. (We’ll call this wish list later on in the article).
How important is the salary for you (right now and in the future)?
What does the sector of work and/or the brand of your employer mean to you?
Are you looking for a higher meaning in your work?
If you could chose between fixed vs flexible working hours, what would you do?
Are you looking for long term predictability?
Are colleagues on your list and what do you expect from them?
etc.
With this new self-awareness analyse your current work:
On a scale from 0 to 10 how much are you looking forward to going to work on an average Monday?
(Don’t get this wrong. Work isn’t watching football and many people won’t reach the ten)
Be spontaneous but do write down your answer as a digit. (We’ll call this ‘rating’ from now).
Then put more thought into the following two questions:
What are the things I look forward to? What’s cool about my job? (Those things that make the points over zero)
Write a full exhaustive list (even with a two!) before thinking about:
What are the things I am missing? What would make me enjoy my work life more? (Those things that are missing to a ten or at least a solid eight)
Take your time to think through this. These are your building blocks on your way to improvement!
Is leaving an option?
If you have a low rating and the work doesn’t tick many of your boxes on your wish list you may be tempted to think of leaving.
Sometimes a new job is the best solution and just takes a leap of courage. Sometimes it’s not an option for various reasons.
Remember that leaving may not solve all your challenges especially if you take ‘baggage’ to the new company (like high expectations, emotional instability, lack of communication skills, low awareness of own skills). It’s worth considering how a new start may help you leave behind baggage or whether you need to clean the house first
Explore other options available to you in the same company: a new department (sooner or later), a clearing conversation with your boss or a part-time arrangement leaving time for your own business are only some of them.
Your wish list and a critical view on the job market using networks and experts can help tremendously!
Become a stronger contributor:
If you are hired and you want to stay you need to answer the question why you were hired – into the company (possibly years ago) but also on the current role/project.
Have you ever been told? What do your colleagues and bosses value in you? What responsibilities do you take and which skills/experience/personality are expected from you?
Try to think like your boss and write down their perspective. If you honestly don’t know, the best will be to find out from them. Unspoken expectations can cause friction.
Secondly come back to yourself and reflect on your fit on the role.
What do you think are your strengths? Are you using them in your role? Why not?
Do your colleagues and bosses know about these strengths? Why not?
Of course now you need to figure out how you can do more of the things you’re good at and more of those that you enjoy doing. Think of ways to put more of such tasks in your 40 hours a week that could make sense from your and your bosses perspective.
Also look at the list of expectations from your company to you: Are there any that you can’t fulfill? Has that brought challenges so far? How could you deal with this discrepancy in the future?
Feeling out of control?
This is a great article about focusing on doing things you can control! This will slowly help you rebuild your confidence and you will gain more control of situations in which you would previously feel tossed around.
Make a plan on how you will increase the rating by at least 1-2 points in the next 3 months.
Write down a couple of ideas, especially some bold ones (why not ask the boss-boss for mentorship over lunch if networking is on your wish list?)
Also write some solid and performance-related ideas which are easier to implement, like asking for feedback on a monthly base or making sure you speak at least x minutes in any team meeting.
Show this plan to somebody. Ask for their support and also ask them to track your progress regularly. Make sure that whatever you write in your plan is achievable and puts you more in control over your current and future work life.
But – if you’re feeling a depression creeping up, a constant fear of the future or a loss of sanity over your job please get professional help: a coach, a psychologist or a counselor. They can help you figure out how to tackle things further and whether your mental or emotional life could be at risk. A first session could be free or can be available for 40-80 Euros.
Establish clear boundaries between work and private life to empower both aspects.
Sometimes people mix up different aspects of their life, transfer emotions and end up feeling out of control and expectations spiral up. The following questions can help you establish whether other parts of your life need empowerment as well.
Do you enjoy living in your city? Would you be comfortable telling your own 20-year-old self how you spend your free time? Is your flat comfortable and gives you space (physically, emotionally and mentally)? Are your core relationships healthy or have you neglected setting boundaries with those close around you? Do you have a good balance of relaxation and challenge/adventure? Do you get enough workout, fresh air and spiritual nurturing? Do you have creative hobbies or do you mainly consume opinions or entertainment in your free time? How much do you love yourself and show yourself love?
To understand such a mix-up we can easily imagine a person who starts a new job and after a few months feels less happy and fulfilled.
Is something wrong with the new job or is it the fact that he/she stopped cycling every day and now spends more time sitting in the car instead? You want to treat the rotten tooth and not its neighbor.
Time for action?
However your reactions to my post and your reflections may look like: Be loving and gentle to yourself. Reward your own effort and stay committed to what you are trying to achieve.
I’d like to close with a recent quote of my friend Tatenda, who as a Zimbabwean and Pan-African truly understands economic challenges and their effects on individuals and communities and who as a social entrepreneur is a role model for many African Gen Ys.
“Have a passion for your work. If your work is meaningful to you, your work life will be a joy. If you can’t be passionate about the work itself, be passionate about the reason you do it. Maybe you don’t love your job/company/career, but the money and benefits are good for your family. Be passionate in your choice to do right for your family.”
A few recommended readings:
* non-violent communication is a concept enabling you to understand how your needs and feelings relate and to learn how to be more in charge of them than the other way round.
* Seven habits of highly effective people
* About the pursuit of meaning and happiness
Looking forward to your comments!
Kenya, tribal violence 2008, a family story, survival.
A work trip to the US. Immediately upon arrival I spot a slight difference to the UK. Instead of signs saying “Don’t offend our staff. We’ll press for the highest charges!”, we can read “Our pledge to the visitors”.
Welcome to the new world!
My assigned immigration officer speaks German (“You’ve got to learn something on this job!”) and although Omar doesn’t drink alcohol he loves German beer and lists a few non-alcoholic brands from the top of his head. After translating for a French tourist in search of his suitcase (picture me standing between two massive black guys, one French and confused, the other one American and longing for shift-end), I head out.
Here I am in JFK, longing for oxygen and four hours until my connecting flight to Chicago. Waiting at the gate looks like wasted time and with the sun up and shining a trip to the waters surrounding Long Island is enticing.
150 bucks for a brief beach return trip? The casual way the taxi driver offers it shows that somebody spending this much is in the range of the possible.
Well, I head to the trains instead, immediately mingling with local blue-collar workers. I get tips on the best beach views, and after hearing I flew in from London, a guy asks me “Did you English ever forgive the Germans for what they did to you?”. What a package to receive! I replied putting on my best London accent.
I caught some breathtaking glances at the ocean before going back to the airport on a train with around 150 school kids – why am I mentioning that they were all black? Because I thought I was going to the US, not to Kenya and I can’t help but noticing the huge split between communities: who lives where, who eats what, who takes which jobs, who transports themselves how. I’m wondering how many decades it will take to see changes on this one.
The first day in Chicago was amazing. It was sunny and warm, so I explored the city walking between the skyscrapers, relaxing at the Magnificent Mile with a Salted Caramel Mocha, taking in the exchange between tourists, shoppers, beggars and business people. I went along the harbor and the pier past the Museum Mile. I even took a (refreshing) bath in Lake Michigan and ended up sunbathing while watching the skyline. People on the street looked me straight into the face (difference 2 to London, where staring at the pavement while walking is socially acceptable) and after just few hours I felt home and welcome.
During dinner in a great Italian restaurant I chatted with a lady sitting next to me (a kindergarden teacher well above 50) and we had such a good chat she ended up giving me a gift from the Chicago Institute of Art. I wondered when last I had such a random conversation with no influence of alcohol 😉
For the second day I decided to be a bit more adventurous and use the DIvvY city bicycles. This meant I could get around much faster, so I went to see the lions in the zoo, to the 95th floor of the Hancock building, the Chicago History Museum and a lot of other things.
Cycling is easy because most roads are one way streets and people are much calmer and more relaxed than in NY. I found the best part about the traffic rules to be junctions with stop signs on all four entries of the junction (only Germans may relate to this).
If you want some tech nostalgia, watch the bridges go up at 9am for high boats to pass. Two teams of 20 engineers each pull up the 28 bridges every day and thus stop traffic in the city for a good 30 minutes.
I was able to secure a reduced ticket for a blues musical about Pullman porters. A great evening about work and livelihoods, racism and conflicts between generations, about fatherly love and a lot about the Blues spirit. On leaving the theatre, I was back to reality: Dozens of homeless were getting ready for a night in the park or on the riverside walk while a dad with his 7-year-old son still hadn’t given up hope to collect the 42 USD he needed for a hostel for the two from passers-by.
For my last day I had plotted how to get to Indiana Dunes State Park for a more “rural” experience. (Google “Indiana d” and see what pops up… that’s some bad marketing for a state, I’d say!). I’m starting to give directions to tourists on Chicago’s streets, so getting on a commuter train to ride to Indiana feels like holidays on holidays.
We ride through bleak looking suburbs, where many houses remind me of the “ultimate house makeover”. We pass steel factories. In Ogden Dunes I get off and take a 20 minute stroll through the village to reach the beach.
I nearly can’t believe it, extremely white sandy beach with a Baltic Sea feel. From this wonderful beach we can see Chicago’s skyline at the horizon. I read the 7 habits of highly effective people and have loads of chats with locals who are enjoying their weekend on the beach (and gave me cold beer – gift 2 in three days).
After I just decided to stay for an extra two hours before catching the train back, an old fragile looking couple comes to sit with me on a bench in the shade. We have great conversations about politics (he had followed the German elections closely), the world and my job (he was not surprised to hear about VC investments and Social Businesses in Emerging Markets). He had even heard of Stephen Covey’s book I’m reading!
I’m invited to spend the night at their house which I can’t because my flight to NY is at 6am the following day. At least I have to go to the village chilli cooking contest and take a glass of red wine at their house and look at the paintings (she’s an artist!). Well that sounds great I say and we drive off. A lovely house, speaking of a successful industry career and attention to detail as I haven’t seen it in years.
At the village party where I taste hot dogs with at least 10 variations of chilli con/sin carne, I realize what a big heart the lady has: Many people tell me of her acts for them and their families.
The lady tells me that she loves her husband of 49-years like on the day they met, when she was 16. She also tells me that he is dying of brain cancer and she takes him to the lake every day for the remaining three or so months. More than by hearing the details of the disease and seeing the comfortable life they created for and with each other I’m inspired by her commitment to him, to the community and to her art. She later thanks me via email for the wonderful gift of sweet distraction I gave to her husband through the discussions we had.
Back in Chicago I’m having lebanese takeaway dinner seated outside the hostel, it’s such a warm evening! I’m lost in thought until drops fall on my hands and I come to senses pondering if they are tears or rain.
A weekend in Tromso. Sunlight from morning ’til… well morning!
